My Name is Ginger Swiderski, I recently just split up with my boyfriend. He was a singer and a swinger, and my heart aches. I thought that since I have slept with half your team, that maybe you guys could do me a favor. Please have Joe Bush wear my initials on his arm during his wedding.

Puppets: Well Ginger as much as we would like to fix the heartache you are feeling, Joe is not a walking billboard. Though you experienced many wonderful Nights with the Puppets roster, this request will not be met.

Hey Puppets my name is Bill Chura, and I was wondering why I am not on the team? So maybe I insulted you guys consistently, and everyone on the team hates me, but I was the best player.

Puppets: Bill nothing personal, but we didn't kick you off the team for your attitude, it was the fact that you looked like Richie Cunningham. We feared that our team would get a Happy Days reputation, and we were sick of hearing WHAT THE FUCK!
Week 2
Dear Puppets,
I was wrongfully dismissed from my team last year. In my opinion I was the best player on the roster, and everyone else sucked. The team captain told me that everyone on the team hated me, what should I do.

Puppets: Bill you are not fooling anyone, we know that it is you. If you want my advice on what you should do, you should go find a new team that appreciates your sarcasm and insults. Oh yeah, Elk Grove just instilled a new policy, no fire crotches allowed. Sorry pal, but for old times sake, WHAT THE FUCK!

Dear Puppets,
I was wondering if the Space Puppet outfielders were looking for some neck braces and running shoes following yesterdays game against the Clubbers?

Puppets: Dear fan, we know what you are trying to do, and we don't like it. The five homeruns in no way whatsoever caused any structural damage to our necks. Though Chung left the game from whip lash, we feel that it was caused by the heat. Oh yeah and if you continue to insult us, Pat will powder your nose.

Dear Puppets,
My name is Jared S. and the Bears recently began practicing in my backyard. The Big Cat eats all my ice cream, and Urlacher wears my socks. They have only been here two days and their driving me nuts. And to make matters even worse, I suspect that my sister is sleeping with the A-Train. What should I do?

Puppets: Jared I was unaware of the Bears practicing in your backyard. As far as what to do, I haven't the least of an idea. But if A-Train is sleeping with your sister than Ben might be upset.

Dear Puppets: I am a 5'4 and weigh 115 pounds. My brothers use my bra as a parachute, and have the sweetest ass in town. I was wondering which Puppet is the easiest, because I am dying to get layed?

Puppets: Unfortunately Parachute, you are a week late in this question. Without a doubt Puppet second basemen Brett Myers is the biggest slut, but recently he fell in love. I would recommend McNally but I think he died. But if this is Jareds sister, I am almost positive that Ben would be glad to assist you in your quest for pleasure.

Dear Puppets: Someone needs to tell Andy to get a job. The fact that he sits around all day on his ass, and the most productive thing he does is create fake articles insulting fellow teammates makes me sick.

Puppets: Well hostile fan, since you were not able to follow the format and send in a question you will not receive the free Puppets fan pack. And for your information, Andy does not just sit around on the computer and make up shit, he watches an abundance of movies and takes multiple naps.

Dear Puppets: Is it true that Brett Myers models his game at catcher around his former idol Hector Villenueva?

Puppets: No, actually Brett is a devoted Marlins fan, who patterns his game around their bullpen catcher. His two favorite players however are Luther Hackman, and Gookey Dawkins. Though some suspect he is a closet fan of Hee Sop Choi.
Dear Puppets: Didn't you idiots learn your lesson, you can't pick a winner, if you were diggin in Myers ass. However that brings me to my next question. Did Brett really wipe poo on the wall, or was it the little kid.
Puppets: Though we would like to give Brett the benefit of the doubt, all evidence pointed to him. To this day he still denies it, everybody knows that he stand up when he wipes. Any ways just like the second gunmen, one will never know, Myers is taking it to his grave.
Dear Puppets: Would it be possible for you guys to send me Jared Shamblin's picks for the weekend, so I can bet the house on the other team.
Puppets: Fan, thank you for writing in, but we are a non-profit organization. Just because Jared went 1-10 last week does not mean it is going to happen every week. So the answer is no, but what I will do is send you a picture of Jared's sister instead or a Puppets prize pack including Skahans high school mouth piece, and Kenny's jockstrap.
Dear Puppets: I was deeply disturbed by the rumor of Bryan and Brad kissing, is this rumor true, or is it like the Jared and Mr. Clean story?
Puppets: Well Disturbed, the rumor seems to be true. Unfortunately we have the video footage to back it. As for the Jared and Mr. Clean story, Shamblin did indeed wipe his ass with a Mr. Clean wet towel. Though he denies it, we all think he enjoyed it.
Dear Puppets: Do you guys ever plan on posting a profile on Andy?
Puppets: The profile on Andy is still in the works, Jared Shamblin is said to be working on the profile, we figured he would be perfect for the job considering he is not busy with girls.